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Oops - I Married A Con artist! Part One   by Deborah Stall Nelson

Dream of a Better Life

A cut above the others. A man of his word. Clean cut. Tall, dark, and... The sound of the car door opening and Sophie plopping herself onto the seat jolted me out of my daydream. Raising Sophie was my 24/7 assignment. Her father and I had divorced years before. Now he refused to pay child support and didn't bother to take advantage of visitation rights with Sophie.

Sophie's involvement in sports, music, and honors programs accelerated over the years. I joined a gym to get fit so that I could try to keep up with her. Financially strapped and 20 minutes behind in life, we continuously juggled time, energy, and money shortages. I longed to be rescued. Where was that man in my life?

"Mom, get up!" Sophie called just before sunrise. She needed a ride to school. Coming to full consciousness, I remembered we had not gotten home from the ball game last night until eleven. No time for a hot bubble bath this morning, and it wouldn't soften this boot camp lifestyle anyway. I want a husband to share this load.

An Officer and a Gentleman

Then one day he arrived-Frank, my knight in shining armor He didn't just talk of slaying dragons, he went right to work on them. He chased away an unfit boyfriend who had eased himself into Sophie's life. He successfully confronted an unscrupulous male vendor in one of my most challenging business situations, saving my business and $5,000. His persuasive manner and loving cooking enticed my daughter to eat meat once again. Because he made it his business to cook her favorite meat dishes, she regained her health after having developing serious anemia from a fad Vegan diet.

Frank and I had met casually at the post office. A few telephone conversations later and he arrived at my place of business in uniform to take me out to lunch. Tall, dark, and handsome, Frank was an accomplished air Force Academy graduate, officer, pilot, and church-going man. After 14 years of waiting, my dream was about to come true. God owed me this one.

A Dream wedding

The day was pristine, the air crystalline, and the sea around us a sparkling turquoise as we spoke our vows to one another. Overlooking the ocean from the Captain's bow, we could see forever-this was a beautiful prelude to our future life together. It was August 7, 2000. Because this was a second marriage for each of us, we agreed a quiet wedding cruise would be romantic. Frank arranged for Sophie to have a private room onboard ship so that she could be my maid of honor. I can still envision our breathtaking wedding on the ship floating on the Caribbean Sea. It was simple, elegant, and tranquil-a heaven-sent marriage.

I vowed to dedicate all my being toward my husband's happiness. Once home, even the mundane took on a quality of special-ness. Frank took us to church, to dinner, and on movie dates. He continued to court me, politely including Sophie. Frank remembered holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries with flowers. Following our wedding, he booked a honeymoon cruise for later. My perfect husband had come to life.

Peace, as tranquil as the eye of a storm, enveloped our household. It was interrupted only by the normal minor adjustments each of us had to make to married life. Then Frank was promoted to major. I was disappointed when I was not invited to the ceremony. "At the last minute, my team flew in from Washington D.C. I barely knew about it," Frank explained. He atoned by hosting a dinner and inviting non-military friends to celebrate his new rank. Then came 911. The Air Force put Frank on "red alert" for a combat mission to Afghanistan.

On September 18, my major rose early and kissed me good-bye. Proudly, I posted Frank's photo amidst the other servicemen's photos on our church bulletin board and fervently prayed for my major to come home alive. He arrived home ten days later. I noted others were gone longer. Back from a top-secret mission, I tried to decode his dark moods and silence. Just part of his responsible nature, I reasoned. He often reminded me of his top-secret clearance and I...I just submitted to his stifling gag order.

The Honeymoon Is Over

Tension arose in our marriage when I began to pressure Frank for dependent military identification. Sophie needed an athletic physical and I needed dental work. But Frank dragged his feet about finalizing our military benefits.

Then there was the delayed honeymoon. As I was finally and happily packing for the cruise, Frank cracked his tooth on a fruitcake nutshell. We cancelled the trip just hours before we were to leave. Everyone knew the ship's onboard dentist could have taken care of Frank's tooth, but he refused to go. And I cried my heart out. Our honeymoon trip was over before it started.

I began to be besieged by mounting insecurities and suspicions. I ask Frank to join me in marriage counseling so that we could confront trust issues and financial concerns. He said the problem was mine-that I had not yet overcome my fear of trusting men. In good faith, I had shared my assets with Frank and conveyed half interest in my home to him; but it seemed he wasn't willing to share anything with me. What was mine was ours, and what was his was still his. To assuage my fears, he finally agreed to attend marriage counseling with Dr. T

The Truth Comes Out

Then one day while I was cleaning, I found airplane tickets and receipts showing a Philippine destination at the time of his supposed Afghanistan mission. A travel agency, not the military, had issued the tickets to Frank. Torn between betraying Frank and learning the truth, I wanted to pretend I had not seen this. But if I were to deny the truth, I would betray myself. I had to find a logical explanation.

At our next counseling session, I confronted Frank about the Philippines. He explained he'd been assigned to perform a special mission under civilian cover. His reluctant, but assured, manner conveyed a top-secret aura. My feelings were mixed. I was ashamed that I had disrespected Frank's career, but I was relieved by his explanation. And I was confused because there was still a lack of clarity. Our counselor advised me to accept Frank's explanation at face value, but his face showed growing concern.

My mind became a battlefield of conflicting questions. Why can't I just trust him? Why had Frank misled me about his mission's destination? How do other officers' wives handle these situations? I would have loved my knight in shining armor forever had not cracks in his armor continued to emerge. His "top-secret" missions just weren't adding up.

Now my sister and Sophie became suspicious. They ran an internet background check and learned Frank wasn't an Air Force Academy graduate, pilot, or major. He was not a college graduate either. It was all a lie! But they were certain that at this point I would not believe such allegations. So they delayed telling me.

Spy Wife

Confusion with Frank's credit and identity because his full name was rather common, brought increasing public embarrassment. The time had come to combat my imaginings once and for all. I sent an inquiry to the United States Air Force in Washington D.C. to find out if Frank might possibly be impersonating an officer.

A pilot friend had become suspicious of Frank's lack of aircraft knowledge. He volunteered to search Frank's social security number through some connections he had. I took him up on it. About then a city detective spoke with me. He had recently arrested Frank on a $37,000 check fraud charge. Frank had professed mistaken identity. Mistaken identity or identity fraud?

I began to think about confronting Frank, but would I endanger myself...and Sophie? Would he tell the truth? I have to know who he is...or isn't, my mind screamed. Looking back, I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I knew who he wasn't. The real Frank is buried beneath multiple layers of cover-ups. So instead of confronting him only to rouse another cover-up, I became a spy wife! For 22 minutes each day while he showered, I searched his wallet for evidence; nervously scampering down to my office to make copies of everything I could get my hands on.

Yet, I was heartsick when I heard from the local Office of Special Investigations (OSI) that Frank's shiny patent leather shoes, pilot's wings, medals, and insignias, weren't Air Force issued, and the so-called housing allotment from the US Treasury turned out to be a meager disability check.

To Be Continued....Part Two

About the Author

Deborah Nelson is the inventor of The dating Passport (http://www.thedatingpassport.com), a bold, new ID verification service, which provides real and continuous dating security. It empowers singles with certified identities before they become involved with virtual strangers.
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